Santa’s Big Night
Santa’s Big Night
By Randy Pearson
An audible thud echoed through the quiet house when Santa Claus landed, posterior first, at the base of the chimney. A small cloud of ash rose into the air around him, and he waved his right hand haphazardly in an attempt to help disperse it. After the jolly old elf stifled a sneeze, he got up and took one step away from the grungy fireplace. However, the metal log holder grabbed his pant leg, sending him tumbling across the carpeted floor. Once Santa came to a stop, he lay there for a moment on his ample stomach, quietly chuckling. Then, rolling onto his back, he gave the log holder a quick glare. “I hate those things,” he muttered softly.
Saint Nick crawled over to the coffee table, using it to hoist his rotund frame up to his feet. He stood in place for a few moments, swaying gently from side to side. Once he regained his balance, his vision drifted toward the family Christmas tree positioned in the corner of the modest house. He smiled, uttering, “Wowww… Tha’ssa nice tree.” After making his way over to the festively decorated pine tree, he bent down to get a closer look at some of the ornaments.
As he admired some of the hand-made decorations, one in particular caught his attention. Hanging heavily on the lowest branch, this papier mache’ rendition of Santa portrayed him as a pear-shaped lump of red, white, and black. Obviously made by a young child, this six-inch by four-inch ornament had no actual face, only a cotton ball glued to the upper third of it, presumably for the beard. Once Santa’s gaze fell upon the Santa Blob, he burst out in laughter. While still chortling mightily, he felt compelled to hold it, so he reached for the bulbous creation and promptly toppled into the tree, scattering several bulbs about. “Oops.”
Once he got his mitten-covered hands on the misshapen creation, he sat cross-legged on the carpet, giggling like a schoolgirl. The overly-jolly old elf sat for several minutes, until his laughter calmed to only occasional snickers.
Afterwards, he attempted to place the ornament back on the tree, but unfortunately, he tried to place it on an upper branch. The heavy Santa Blob quickly plowed through the branches, all the way to the floor, taking with it many more decorations. “Uh-ohhh…”
Kris Kringle spent several more minutes gathering the stray bulbs, and tossing them back on the tree. When he finished, the tree looked lopsided, with too many bulbs in one location and a noticeable bare spot in another, but he shrugged it off.
Realizing he had wasted a lot of time fooling with the family’s tree, Santa decided to get back to work. Then, a thought occurred to him. “Where’s my bag a toys?” He violently spun himself around the room, but could not find his toy sack. All the spinning made him dizzy, so he stopped and tittered a bit. It did not take him long, however, to get his faculties back in order. Walking over to the chimney, he gave the pant leg-snagging grate a quick shove with his boot, then reached up and retrieved his bag. “Got stuck again.”
With his toy sack on the carpeted floor in front of the tree, he opened it so he could retrieve the presents designated for this family. But then, another thought struck him. “Where’m I at? Oh no… I forgot.” With a new mission in mind, Santa started rummaging through the desk drawers, trying not to make much noise but failing miserably. Finally, after three unsuccessful drawers, he found a coloring book with the name Jennie written in crayon on the front cover. “A-ha!” he exclaimed, louder than he intended. He then placed a finger to his lips and uttered a giggly, “Shhhh.”
While digging through his bag for a present with a Jennie tag on it, he heard the floor creak around the corner. “Uh oh.”
An adorable, curious little girl poked her head around the corner. “Santa? Is that you?”
“Darn,” he whispered, “I hate it when I wake ‘em up.” He marched over to the little girl and gave her a quiet, but authoritative, “HO HO HO!
Merry Chrisssmiss, Jennie!”
“Oh Santa, it IS you!” She hugged her hero, and looked into his eyes.
“I gotta nice presssent for youu, butcha gotta go back to sleep, honey.
The girl smiled and replied, “Okay. Thanks.” Then she furrowed her brow, and asked, “Are you all right, Santa? You sound kinda funny. You smell strange, too.”
He suppressed a giggle, and ripped out another barrage of “HO’s”, then
said, “I’m juss fine, honey. Now let’s get ya ta bed.”
Saint Nick walked Jennie to her room and tucked her in. As he turned to leave, she whispered, “Oh, and Santa, there’s a little something for you on the kitchen table!”
He smiled, and strolled out of her room, weaved down the hall, and back to the sack of toys.
After setting around the tree all of the presents he had with the name Jennie on them, he closed his bag and sauntered over to the chimney. As he turned to make one final glance around the room, he spotted something on the
kitchen table, and then remembered the little girl’s words. He hiked into
the kitchen, and saw it. There sat a bottle of beer and a plate of Beer
Nuts next to a note saying, “I hope you like it better than what I left last year.”
“Oh wow…she remembered! Whazzat makeit…Oh yeah, the 18th place that remembered my new ad campaign, What Santa Wants More Than Milk and Cookies.” So, Santa guzzled the beer, wolfed down the nuts, and staggered over to the chimney. He took one look at it, then said, “Nah…” and stumbled out the front door.
“HO HO HO He He He heheheheheheheheeeee…..”
© 1994, 2000, 2008, 2015 by Randy D Pearson
All rights reserved